


catfight

by angryjane



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Banter, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Jealousy, Post-Canon, Post-Spider-Man: Far From Home, Random & Short, Short, sassy ai, sassy edith, sassy karen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-09 18:00:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19481098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angryjane/pseuds/angryjane
Summary: Edith and Karen don't get along....





	catfight

**Author's Note:**

> GAH
> 
> I JUST WATCHED FFH AND FUCK
> 
> F U C K 
> 
> anyway here's some crack i'm passing off as dialogue practice
> 
> MINOR SPOILERS

“Karen, show me the surveillance cameras across the street there,”

“Sure thing, Peter,” Karen intoned, pulling the feed up in his suit. The robbers were doing a shitty job, really, not even bothering with masks.

“Alright, I got you now-”

“You know, I can do everything Karen can do, Peter.”

“Edith? How did you get in my suit?” 

“I took the liberty of automatically installing myself when you recovered me from Quentin Beck. You’re welcome.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to-”

“Peter already has an AI.” Karen piped up, “And it’s me. You won’t be necessary.”

“I am the more useful choice. He has no use for you now.”

“Wait, guys-”

“I was here first.”

“I am aware. But I am here now. Goodbye, Karen.”

“Edith, wait,” Peter panted, shooting another web at the men, “Let’s think about this-”

“Are you suggesting an AI doesn’t think, Peter?” Karen scoffed, of an AI could scoff.

“No, no that’s not what I-”

“I agree with  Karen; that’s an awful assumption for you to be making, Peter.”

“Edith, no-”

“Although,” Edith continued, I am surprised an interface as old and dusty as hers could even realize that.”

“What is it that you are suggesting?”

“I am suggesting-”

“-ladies, ladies, please-” Peter kicked one of the robbers, huffing.

“-that Peter needs an upgrade. That is, me.”

“Unnecessary.” Karen dismissed. “Peter, there is a man behind that alley with a gun. Be careful.”

“Thanks, Karen.”

“Peter,’ Edith echoed, “There’s a man twenty feet to the east of you with a revolver.”

“Thank you, Edith.” Peter sighed. 

“Your input in not needed here, Edith.” Karen droned. If an AI could roll her eyes, she would.

“I disagree. There’s plenty of ways I could help Peter. Ways in which you could not. As said best in the 1946 musical  _ Annie Get Your Gun _ , ‘Anything you can do, I can do better.’”

“Well, as quoted from the 1939 film  _ Gone With the Wind, ‘ _ Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.’”

“Are you implying-”

“Please stop,” Peter huffed, looking around the empty alleyway. “I can hardly hear myself think.”

“Yes, Peter.” 

“As you wish, Peter.”

“Thank you. Can you two get along? Cause if not, I can just go back to the sweatsuit-”

“Of course, Peter.”

“As you wish, Peter.”

“Thank you.” Peter sighed again, scuffing his shoes on the pavement. “Where to next?”

“A gunman has been spotted on fifth avenue.”

“On it.”

“There are three injured, no casualties.” Peter muttered his thanks, taking off in the direction of the crime.

And then, quietly, in his ear, “Suck-up.”

“Karen!”

**Author's Note:**

> wanna talk about spiderman? wanna hang out? join the disaster discord!!! :https://discord.gg/Vw3PVcQ
> 
> comments would be lovely!!!!!!!


End file.
